The Ultimate Trickster
by Weezle13
Summary: One Shot. Who was the ultimate trickster of Hogwarts. Now not a one shot 2nd chapter is Minerva's reaction. Enjoy reading. Please R
1. Chapter 1

**The Ultimate Trickster.**

**By Weezle13**

**Hay guys. I'm back. Yes ok stop running away I wont bite….much. Anyway this is another story from the fabulous me. I hope you enjoy it. It just wouldn't go as I planned it at work so here is what the muse took me too. I'm still not convinced if you have any ideas how to improve it tell me and I'll ignore it because I just can not be bothered with it anymore. Anyway here. Enjoy (I hope)**

**I don't own them I stole them from a nice woman. Sorry Lady but they are mine now Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!**

'Professor Dumbledore. How long have you worked at Hogwarts' came the sudden question from one of the Weasley twins as the order finished eating Molly's wonderful home cooking.

'Since 1940 but with half a year off in 1945. Why?'

'Well Fred and I were wondering if we were the best or worst pranksters you ever had.'

'Nope. Sorry not even close and no the marauders weren't either.' Replied Albus Cutting off Sirius' impending question

'What!'

Albus grinned and put down his knife and fork on his empty plate and lent back in his chair at the head of the table while Professor McGonagall glared at him from her usual seat next to him.

'I don't think that this topic is really all that suitable for everyone to hear' Minerva's glare deepened when her boss' grin just widened

'Nonsense Minerva we need to lighten the mood every now and then we can not always live with a dark cloud over our heads Voldemort is gone. We need to remember how to laugh again.' Albus turned back to his eagerly waiting audience 'You lot never managed to turn the whole teaching staff into 6 year olds nor did you manage to blow up the divination tower. You never managed to accidentally kill a teacher.'

'I want nothing to do with this conversation then Albus' and with that Minerva buried her nose in a report from the previous order meeting.

'Wait someone _Killed_ a teacher?'

'Was he expelled?'

'Who was he?'

'When did it happen?'

The rushed questions came thick and fast till Albus held up his hand to stem the tide.

'_She_ was head girl in 1946 and _She_ gave Professor Binn's a heart attack. Oh and no _She_ didn't get expelled.'

'She?'

'Who was she?'

'What happened to her?'

'Why didn't she get expelled?'

'My, my, my so many questions. She didn't get expelled because it was the most amazing piece of transfiguration Hogwarts had ever seen. She transfigured a chess set into two side of a very bloody war and had them reenact it in the class room. The shock of finding himself in the middle of the war he was just teaching was just too much for the poor professor.'

'So what happened to her?'

'She got a summers worth of detention, and because I had decided to disappear for half of that year Headmaster Dippet decided that I should stay at Hogwarts as well and preside over it.'

Everyone stared till Harry just asked _'But who is she?'_

Albus continued to look straight ahead and said 'Do you wish to tell them or shall I, my dear?'

Confused looks passed around the table until Minerva McGonagall, who was still reading her report, sighed 'How was I supposed to know that the Human Flobberworm was going to have a heart attack'

'He was 198 years old what did you think he wouldn't notice.'

'That's about right, Albus. I would not expect that man to notice if You-Know….. Oh alright_ Voldemort _decided to dance on a table in front of him dressed in a pink tutu.' Minerva took a deep breath and continued slower 'He didn't even notice he was dead for three weeks'

She finally put down the report and looked at the twins ' the only reason that I still became the head girl was because there was a question in the final exam on that war that was worth 75 of the final mark and everyone in the school got full marks on it.'

Shocked silence followed this revelation till Remus burst. He was bent double in his seat laughing closely followed by everyone else.

'What…What else did you do?' Ron spluttered as he gasped for air

'Professor Dumbledore said something about blowing up a tower and turning the teachers into kids' Fred looked awed, he and George never had the guts to prank all the teachers at once.

But it seemed as if Minerva had had enough as she just, once again, buried her head in a report. Albus it seemed had not.

'Well like Harry here the divination teacher was always predicting Minerva's gruesome death so she made an extra strong version of the potion that's in dung bombs and planted it in the divination tower. Unfortunately the potion turned to a gas and when that made contact with the fire it had a rather explosive response. Luckily the stink worked and there was no one in the tower or even that half of Hogwarts.'

Minerva rolled her eyes that the hysterical laughter that was going on about her and kept up her strict proper image even as Albus was causing it to crash about her ears.

Albus took her silence as permission to continue despite the evil glares that were being sent his way. Even as he continued Albus couldn't help but think Thank Merlin looks can't kill or I'd be six foot under with my limbs painfully removed.

'Minerva turned all of the teachers into 6 year olds for a week. She turned my beard and hair blue, then pink, then flashing multicolour' Albus chuckled at that memory 'Oh and Minerva turned Voldemort- then Tom Riddle into a girl, then a mouse and tried to eat him. I just stopped her which was the reason for the multicoloured hair I think. Then she hung him by his toes in the court yard (A/n 1000 points to Gryffindor if you can tell me what film that was from. Hint I love Joe who said it.).

There was a pause then 'Oh but the best one was then Minerva charmed Mr. Riddle so that as soon as he was at the Slytherin table all that he was wearing was his underwear shoes and scarf and that the clothes that he was wearing and all that he owed were transported to the icy quidditch pitch.'

Minerva had a slight grin on her face at that 'he just would not take the hint. There was no way in hell that I was going to go out with that self obsessed, slimy. Slytherin Twerp.'

More laughter followed this statement. While Minerva correctly guessed the reason for Hermione's shocked face. 'Well would you want to date that thing.' Hermione mutely shook her head as she reevaluated her idea of her straight laced idol who was not as straight laced as first thought.

Albus was laughing at the look on his ex students faces from Molly's shocked amusement to Sirius hysterical laughter. 'Minerva managed to break every rule at Hogwarts while she was a student.'

'Really' Tonks looked like she was about to burst a blood vessel 'So you've tickled a sleeping dragon'

Minerva put down the report, obviously realising that the subject was not going to be dropped, closed her eyes, took a deep breath. In. Out. Then glared at Tonks 'Yes and I still have the burns on my back to prove it.'

At that a strange look passed over Albus' face that only Minerva saw.

Remus laughed 'Here's one you couldn't have broken. How about breaching the teacher/student code.' More laughter followed till they realised just what Minerva's wince and quick return to her report and Albus' wide eyed look meant.

'Wait you had a relationship with one of your teachers' Ron looked slightly green at the thought 'BLOODY HELL' The others silently agreed with Ron's statement.

'Oh Goddess of all Tricksters please enlighten us poor mere mortals.' Fred paused then continued in a more normal voice then the flowery one he had just been using. 'Who the hell did you have a….a…..yeah'

'I defiantly do not wish to have this conversation. Thank you Mr. Weasley.'

There was deafening silence after Minerva's rebuttal.

Then.

Suddenly everyone was asking questions wanting to know who? It was how it happened? They wanted to know everything from the suddenly, yet again, tight lipped transfiguration teacher. (A/n 1000000 points to Gryffindor if you can guess who)

After nearly an hour of relentless questions being fired at her Minerva finally lost her famous McGonagall Scottish temper.

'I do not see what business of your it is but the teacher I was involved in while I was at Hogwarts is now my husband of nearly 50 years and we married while I was still at Hogwarts. As I see I will get no peace until you have everything like the vulchers you are my husbands name is Albus Dumbledore. Now if you will excuse me I have work to do, as I am sure most of you do as well. Good Night.' and with that Minerva swept out of the room.

Albus just pulled out his pocket watch and raised an eyebrow 'Minerva has just returned to Hogwarts. As should I.'

'Your married to Professor McGonagall?'

'Yes Harry. We have been married for 48 years ever since she was 17 and legal to do so. We got together during the summer she had detention. You get rather close to someone when they are your only company for weeks on end.'

Hermione finally spoke ' do you have any children?'

'Yes four wonderful children. Two sets of twins one boy and girl in each set. Despite that and all the happy years I think Minerva is going to murder me for starting all this.' Albus took a deep sigh 'Oh well Minerva always was at her most beautiful when she was angry. Goodbye.'

With that Albus disappeared and the silence fell once again.

Until, that is, when Remus leaned around Tonks to look at Sirius and held out his hand. 'I told you they were together.' Everyone again laughed this time at the grown man as he counted out his money while swearing under his breath.

**Ok people that was it. Tell me what you think, please keep the random stuff that you think to your self as really I do not need to hear that you need to give Aunt Betty a sponge bath or whatever. Sorry I don't know where that came from but it's a horrible image shudders**

**Well Please review and tell me what you think of the story even if its along the lines of its rubbish don't ever write again.**

**I will write to you again the next time work gets really boring (like all the time) and then I'll give you another story from my mad rambling mind, Dudes.**

**Love ya loads**

**Weezle**


	2. Minerva's reaction

**Hay People! Have you missed me? Ok don't answer that my ego really couldn't take the bashing.**

**Well here it is the 2nd chapter of my one shot. Yes I know that, that doesn't make sense but a "friend" said that if I didn't do a sequel with Minerva's reaction she would chop me up limb from limb and roll me into little balls of dung so here it is please don't hurt me I did my best!**

**I don't own them I just get to play with them for a while. Its fun you should try it.**

**Oh by the way all the wrighting that's in italic is Albus' thoughts. Just in case you don't figure it out.**

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**Chapter 2**

Albus took a deep breath and walked towards the gray stone gargoyle which leapt aside as he neared it. His mind was in turmoil as he rode the moving staircase up towards his office.

Albus slowly and quietly opened his office door, looked around and seeing that it was deserted, stepped in.

Fawkes' perch was empty as was the picture frames of the old heads.

"_Oh Merlin that is not a good sight."_ thought the wizard. _"the only time that happens is if, either when Minerva is in the mood"_ Albus couldn't help the slight grin on his face at that thought _"or if she is in a really bad mood. Oh Merlin protect me."_

He took a deep breath "Ta…." Albus cut himself off mid word. _"Minerva barely lets me call her Tabby when she's in a good mood there is no way in Hades that she will let me call her that if she's is in a bad mood."_

"Minerva. Are you here." Albus winced "_Dumb question."_ After no reply Albus took another deep breath and walked through to her private rooms.

There, stood in the middle of the living room, was Minerva Kathryn McGonagall.

Her hair was tumbling from its bun to fall in beautiful ebony waves down to her lower back. Her usually ivory face was flushed and radiant. _"Merlin she looks so beautiful, just like the day I married her."_

It was only after that thought crossed his mind that Albus noticed the wand held in her right hand. His eyes widened. _"I am not afraid. I am not afraid. No I'm petrified."_

"Minerva"

"Albus." Minerva's voice was icily calm which was betrayed by the anger that shone in her emerald eyes. "I thought that we had an agreement never to tell anyone about my past student days. I believe that, that is just what you did. You destroyed their image of me. I will never get the respect that I had back."

"Yes. Well…….erm…….Minerva you see it lets them know that you are one of them. They will respect you more because they know that you are like them yet still doing a wonderful job where many of them would crumble and give up."

"And what, my I ask, do you think will happen when the summer ends and I have to teach the children again. Especially those blasted twins."

"Erm……."

"I will get no respect and the excuses for their pranks will be that if I did it why can't they" Minerva paused to take a deep breath, closing her eyes as she did. When her eyes snapped back open they held even more anger as if a thought had doubled it. "And now we have the threat of that old bag Umbridge teaching here in September. This is just what I don't need, because I'm the one who is always left to pick up the pieces while you just swan around!"

"Oh come on how much trouble can one ministry official cause? Anything that she does, we can always right easily."

"No" Minerva shouted, red sparks flying from her wand "I have to clean up the mess"

"But your so much better at it then I am. I would just make a bigger mess." Albus winced when more red sparks shot from his wife's wand and singed his beard _"Oh shit. Wrong answer" _He thought as he flapped at his smoking hair. One look into Minerva's eyes and he know he was about to suffer.

"Well learn and fix this!" With that Albus suddenly found himself as a ferret. He ran around the room avoiding jinx's while working on the wandless magic he was so famous for, to try and turn himself back into the right proportions.

When he had finally managed it the room was in disarray with singed and toppled furniture and books who's innards now coated the floor. And in the middle of all this chaos. At the eye of the storm stood the irate Scottish woman.

Her chest was heaving as if she had just run a marathon and her hair and clothes were a mess. Albus had always thought that his wife was beautiful but when she was angry Minerva McGonagall was the most stunningly, beautifully _alive_ woman he had ever had the pleasure to know. She truly did live up to her namesake, she was a goddess in mortal form.

It was this admiring of the beauty that stood before him that lead to Albus' downfall. Literally. Minerva had barley moved her wand and not a word passed her lip's yet still Albus found himself rolling around on the floor. Minerva had used her knowledge of her husband to use his greatest weakness against him and used the worst possible spell on him. Tickling charm.

It was while he was rolling around helpless to the hysterical laughter that consumed him, that Albus felt that he had better fight back. He used another bit of wandless magic to give Minerva jelly legs while he simultaneously used his wand to lift the charm that was on himself.

The split second that Minerva was affected by the jinx was enough to let Albus jump to his feet and cast a shielding charm.

And not a moment too soon. Without warning the air was full of multi-coloured lights as spells of all kind flew towards the cowering wizard who's defenses were barely holding up. _"Even Grindelwald wasn't this bad" _thought Albus as wave after wave, round after round sent him reeling backwards into the back of the sofa which was his only support.

When Minerva paused Albus took advantage back to ask a question that had been bugging him since, about halfway through telling the order about Minerva's exploits. "The dragon burn scars still bother you don't they?"

"Yes" Minerva snapped then all the fight went out of her and her anger drained away to leave her exhausted and with her shoulders slumped. "No. not really. It's just….." the witch sighed "I just wish I didn't have them. They are so…..so disgusting!"

Albus finally dropped his shield. "Min nothing about you is disgusting. You are the most beautiful, enchanting woman I have ever met. And that is inside and out." Albus wrapped her in his embrace and they stayed like that for what seemed like eternity and yet ended all too soon.

Dropping a loving kiss on Minerva's lips Albus smiled "Come on lets go to bed" Minerva nodded and started towards the bedroom door with her husband following.

All of a sudden Minerva stopped and swung round to face Albus. "Why you conniving manipulative bastard. I cant believe you did that" she snapped annoyance clear on her face.

"What. What's wrong My Love"

"I'm supposed to be angry at you and you managed to……to. Merlin you are so infuriating. If you think you can talk yourself into bed you are very much mistaken." and with that she stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

Albus turned towards the couch with a sigh. _"Well it looks like I'm on the sofa yet again."_ He was not looking forward to it, he could never sleep well without Minerva in his arms. _"Ah well"_ he thought as he righted the room with one wave of his wand and conjured up some blankets and pillows. _"It was worth it just to see My Tabby look so alive again, this war has take so much out of her lately. She needed to vent all that stress. It was good to see some colour back in her cheeks"_

And with that Albus settled down to sleep safe in the knowledge that Minerva will have forgiven him by morning and happy in his dreams of the witch that always occupied his thoughts even if she wouldn't let him hold the real thing in his arms.

**FIN**

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**Well that's it NO MORE!!!!!! Ok I might get bored again at work on a Friday night when no one wants to buy paint (I mean who in their right mind wants to come into a DIY shop at 9-10 at night on a Friday!)**

**Tell me what you think flames are aloud because they are _really_ funny and great to laugh at because the people who wright them have difficulty in stringing two words together. All constructive criticism is taken into account to make future fic's better so come on help me out.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**Weezle**


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